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In the social sciences, they collect and process information through various ways: surveys, interviews, group interviews, taking notes, gathering information, asking questions, recording videos, taking pictures, getting answers and asking more questions. Asking questions always leads me to asking more questions. I question my answers, I question if I am asking the right question, because right questions lead to best answers, and then you can continuously learn and grow.

Ever since I was a kid I have always asked lots of questions. I am sure that all my questions annoyed people and eventually I learned to keep them to myself. Questions play a vital role in how I process the world around me, I believe that everyone has a process for how they understand and cope with their own circumstances. For some people it is telling stories, repeating those stories over and over to others or in their mind so that they can process what happened in that particular situation. For others, it is taking pictures and remembering the place where particular things happened, in many instances pictures and stories are connected. Others keep journals and blogs, sharing their experiences in some form or another. I know I use multiple ways to process the information around me and particular experiences in different ways. But questions are always at the beginning of my process.

I always was taught to ask God. I was taught to have faith, and part of the concept of faith is to take action, which I believe the first action of faith is to ask God the right questions. There are many actions to faith but I will save that for another time. The scriptures teach us that we must take the action of asking.

Matt 7:12  “Ask of God; ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.”

Mark 9:45  “Seek unto my Father, and it shall be done in that very moment what ye shall ask, if ye ask in faith, believing that ye shall receive.”

The foundation of being LDS is based upon the principle of asking a question. It is our responsibility to ask, and then to open our hearts and minds to personal revelation. Personal revelation the basis and foundation of following God and being a christian. Personal revelation led to the forming or the LDS faith, it is what brought about the principles and doctrines that so many people try to live, and be. Without personal revelation we could not have a prophet or be connected with God.

That being said I want to share many of the questions that I have been asking myself as I try to swim in the deep deep waters of life being far between LDS and LGBT.  (Thanks to Kendall Wilcox for the terminology Far Between, another story for another post).

  • What does it mean to be LGBT?
  • What is attraction?
  • What is a feeling?
  • What does it mean to be LGBT?
  • Does God love me?
  • Was this part of the Plan?
  • If it is part of the plan is it a temporal experience or an eternal part of my being?
  • What does it mean if it is temporal?
  • What does it mean if it is eternal?
  • If this is part of the plan:
  • How does God want me to react to this?
  • What does God really want me to do about it?
  • Is sexuality lust or temptation?
  • What does it mean to love someone? Emotionally? Mentally? Physically? Spiritually?
  • Does this make me a horrible person?
  • Can anyone love me for who I am? if they can’t is living really worth it?
  • Why is this part of my experience?
  • What does it mean to have a family?
  • Where do I fit in at church?
  • Can I make it to heaven?
  • What does this mean about relationships?
  • Where do I fall on the kinsey scale?
  • Would being bi be easier? (sometimes I used to wish I was bi because i thought it would be easier to pretend to be normal)
  • What role does gender play in my personhood?
  • Who am I?
  • What do I want my life to be like?
  • What will make me happy?
  • How can I live my hopes and dreams?
  • What are my hopes and dreams?
  • How can I have my needs met? Emotionally? Physically? Mentally and Socially?
  • What will my friends and family think of me?
  • How will those I love respond to me?
  • Will I lose people I care about over all of this?
  • What things do I want in the relationships that I have?
  • What does it mean to be authentic?
  • Can I be actively LDS and have a girlfriend?
  • How do I find peace about this?
  • Can I still have a family with the woman I love?
  • How can I bring peace to others about the things they are worried about?
  • Will my family still love me if I disappoint them?
  • What is disappointment?
  • What is guilt?
  • How can I recognize who I am in all aspects and not let go of what I have believed my whole life?
  • Would it be easier to be atheist?
  • Is this an addiction?
  • What would it be like and mean if I gave up what I believe?
  • Can I take parts of my beliefs with me and still be a good person?
  • What does it mean to have a gay lifestyle?
  • What is a lifestyle?
  • What are most people my age doing that is just as much considered as a heterosexual lifestyle?
  • What is a mormon lifestyle?
  • How do I find someone to date?
  • Do I like guys on any level of attraction?
  • Could I marry a man?
  • Could I have children with a Man if I married him?
  • Would I have sex with a husband?
  • What values would I keep with me?
  • Can I recognize my feelings but ignore them?
  • What about the law of chastity?
  • If I marry another women am I still breaking the law of chastity?
  • Can I have a temple recommend and date women if I am following the for strength of youth guidelines? (holding hands, kissing, cuddling, going on dates)
  • What does sex mean to me?
  • What do I want that experience to be like?
  • What is attractive about males?
  • What is attractive about females?
  • How can I be authentic without being disrespectful of others?
  • How do I want others to respond to me?
  • What does it mean to have a fluid sexuality?
  • What is the difference between gender and sexuality?
  • What makes loving another woman immoral?
  • What is morality?
  • What is respect?
  • What role does personal revelation play in my life?
  • What do I do if I feel I am receiving personal revelation that contradicts what others believe, or where the church stands on things?
  • Am I willing to live a single celibate life?
  • What would being single and celibate look like?
  • Would there still be a place for me at church?
  • Could I be authentic at church?
  • Can I be authentic at church now?
  • Can I be with a women and hold a calling in church?
  • Am I prepared to be excommunicated if I decide to marry a woman?
  • Am I ready to be in any kind of committed relationship?
  • What would a committed relationship look like? be like? feel like?
  • What would my life hold if I married a woman? a man?

I know this list is long… and it really only begins to cover the questions that I ask myself on a regular basis. I feel like the future is a big question mark sometimes. Other times I know that I honestly wish I could be married to a woman and be actively LDS. But I don’t know if I believe what that means it would mean. But I know that love is love. I know that this is about who you love and how you love.

Sometimes I think that it is hard for people to understand where I am coming from because they do not ask themselves these kinds of questions, they do not think deeper than what appears to be typical. If people took the time to ask questions, to think about who they are on a deeper level I think that there would be more compassion and understanding. I know that as I have thought about these questions and as I have been forced to try to find a path that was not as clear as others paths have been for them I have been able to open my mind, and have more compassion and understanding for those around me, and my capacity to love myself and others has been increased.

How do you process the world around you? And what questions are you afraid of asking or getting answers too?